Top Ten Self-Disclosures

My wife was playing with a post for tonight… Bit too technical for me (medical terms and all). I work in Information Technology so that is saying a lot… But I read one thing she wrote and decided to run with it… (LOL … keep on Running until the Devil knows you are gone… Country fans will get it…)…

She wrote:

In planning, our doctor notes that “complex Neurologic issues can cause unexpected results.”

That is the PERFECT note: To the point as it describes our life and the lives of many who read this post.

With that in mind and with the death of Robin Williams, who’s demons I shared (his decision/Fate I hope I don’t)… here is the response to ” that “complex Neurologic issues can cause unexpected results.” And self disclosure to an extent:

Top Ten Disclosures:

1.) Your life will change due to “unexpected results.” Never be the same. But as you go along life you need to ask yourself “do I like it? Really like it?” Well, here is the honest truth. With a Special Needs child (or adult) you probably will not like your life as much. But as to the Journey (read #10) you will learn a lot.

2.) You will learn a lot about yourself. I am AMAZED at how many say “I couldn’t do it.” or “I don’t know how you do it.” Guess what? You can and will (if you choose to be that strong) just do it. It makes you realize your core. You can choose to fail. You can choose to succeed. For you and for your Special Person.

3.) You come to know the definition of being strong. REALLY STRONG. I do Martial Arts (to manage my depression and be there for my other son. I am in the best shape of my life right now (physically). However, part of my drive is when I feel weak I think of what Riley goes through. Some days I refuse to scratch a bite or itch. Just to take a day to experience what he goes through daily (every day). He is the strong one. Never Broken (although to be honest you can say he is broke… Side note: Every nurse we have is too “afraid” to hurt him: I tell them, don’t worry you can’t do worse than he has been through. Just try your best.” _DSC0334

4.) Trying your best: This point was very well illustrated this week. Due to the brace Riley had during his surgery he had his first pressure wound. It was bad. Medical staff have always commented on his amazing skin (not one wound given his sedentary lifestyle). That was due to us. But his wound this week was also due to us. Feel bad? Yes. Realize you are just doing your best with your Special Needs situation. That is the lesson.

5.) The lesson to be learned is this: What you can learn from your Special Needs Situation. You will learn about you. You will learn about medical. You will learn that you can be stronger than you ever imagined. You will learn about your family. Life is about learning, especially when it comes to family.

6.) Learning about family will help you deal with the Special Needs Situation. My wife and I have recently gone through our 18th Anniversary.   At the same time, we have gone through four marriage counselors. Dealing with Special Needs Situations puts all other situations aside. Including marriage/sex and couple-dom as I like to call it. But there will be moment. There is a song by Pink “Give me a Reason”… every time it comes on the radio we both pause. As long as we look for a reason, it is alive.

7.) A reason to the complex and unexpected results: IF YOU KEEP LOOKING FOR IT you will drive yourself NUTS. Life is complex. There will be unexpected results. IF you have a Special Needs Situation that is unexpected and complex. Don’t look for answers is my advice. You are only using those thoughts and that energy on driving yourself nuts when you be spending it with your family and helping them.

8.) Help is there. When Riley was born we didn’t take the help we should have. No elaboration on this one. Rather, if you can accept help that is offered, you will be better off..

9.) Being better off seems like a dream at many times. It will come and will get better. I can’t say how as it relates to those who read this. But remember when you had your heart broken or were a kid and you parent told you something related to the fact that it will get better (even though at age 8 you thought it won’t and this is the worst day of my life). IF you are over 8, it got better than that day and you moved on.

10.) Moving on is the hard part: My advice (flawed as it might be)… Just do something. Act. Don’t be in a solitude. Don’t be stagnant. Really it is all you can do. People depend on you and when I write “People”.. I mean those Special Need Situations… Those you care for (care about) and the point of my post… You. You are in a Special Needs Situation. Act for them and for yourself. Give them the best of you ability but, more so, give yourself something to be healthier. Everyone involves deserves it.

I am amazed at how many people check on me (us). Worried. I guess we all worry about each other. When really we will say we are “fine” and do the truly important things for those involved. Be strong and keep moving on. (but know along the way that there are those who will ask how we are and check on us… that is what really helps us move on).



The Shark Tooth Guy


11 Responses to Top Ten Self-Disclosures

  1. Joy Healey says:

    Hi John, Very moving post as always.

    My life has changed significantly twice in the past 12 years.

    The first time was literally overnight and completely out of the blue. On the surface it was a change for the worse – however as a result of the first change I DID get much stronger, and 12 yrs later I actually prefer my life after the change.

    The second change was a prolonged change but I did get through it. I’m still working on feeling better about it, but I’ll get there.

    And, yes, I “got” the devil reference. As a line-dancer it’s one of my favorites.


    • Bonita Mom says:

      Yet, he had to explain the “devil” to his wife:-) We think of this as a journey. We know we are stronger – just as you are – but some day’s we have to remind ourselves. Thank you for listening Joy! Stacie

  2. Don’t know how the time to write so well. Kudos for being a ‘Guy’…

    • Bonita Mom says:

      Thank you Ed, I don’t know how he does that either:-) My posts take so much time I put of starting and John does them in moments.

  3. Dave says:

    There’s some real lessons in there – not just the type that typically get shared on those cutesie shares on Facebook. I applaud your attitude.

    • Bonita Mom says:

      Thank you Dave. I hope so, we just want other special needs families to know they aren’t alone and their own families to have understanding.

  4. Terri says:

    I enjoyed reading this! Greatly written

  5. Christy says:

    Thank you so much for your vulnerability. And I think your top ten actually apply to more than just your situation. =)

  6. Donna Ward says:

    Wonderful idea for a post of special and wonderful points – thank you 🙂

  7. Christine says:

    very well written John…I needed to read this especially today as I broke down crying and showed my “weakness” at a friends’s when Kaet started getting upset…thank you for the reminders of how we need to be strong and move on…Apparently Kaet just wanted to be at home; she has been quiet and content since. (she was just trying to express herself)
    Again, thank you for sharing!

    • Bonita Mom says:

      I miss you! I love seeing how happy Kaet is to return to school. We are fortunate to have such wonderful environments in their lives.

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